Vulnerable and Valuable - Challenging a Critical Spirit
“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection .”
- Brené Brown
Have you ever looked at an old penny or other coin as you exchanged it and noticed the tarnish and grime built up on it?
This morning I found a penny on my kitchen floor, actually it was so old and tarnished that at first glance I didn’t know what it was. I picked it up and looked it over. There was a ton of dirt and discoloration and even some oxidation happening; there were multiple cracks in the copper coating and the zinc underneath was showing through. I turned it over and Honest Abe’s face was mostly covered in whatever ick had built up over the years, and then I saw the date – 1989.
The year I was born.
Y’all I have never felt so connected to an inanimate object in my life! I instantly related to the penny, thinking about how things that felt icky had built up in my 34 years of life, no doubt showing through wrinkles and discoloration on my own skin. My own traumatic experiences have often left me feeling broken, cracked and exposing my inner less pretty and put-together self.
You see, our experiences shape us.
Just like a chunk of zinc, the soft metal that gets cut, molded and stamped into the shape of a penny, we go through things in life that transform our insides. Zinc is naturally a shiny grey when it is clean, and it gets dull as it tarnishes. In order to keep from seeing the softer, tarnished zinc underneath, a penny is dipped in a shiny, beautiful copper coating.
Feeling seen, I instantly grabbed a glass, some vinegar and salt. I felt an intense urge to get this penny cleaned up. After all, it didn’t need to be gross and dirty. I dropped it in the concoction and watched as science went to work. I watched as the bubbles quickly formed and then dissipated, nothing.
So, I gave it some more salt, and a little stirring help. I swirled the penny around for a minute or two and now things were really moving. I could see the penny down below start to change color and lighten up just a bit. I took it out and looked it over, it looked better, but I thought it could be cleaner. “It just needs time to soak” I decided and let it sit as I grabbed my youngest from preschool.
I could feel my anxiety begin to build as I came back and noticed that the penny still wasn’t super clean, so I took it out and used an old toothbrush, and successfully scrubbed the rest of the remaining grime off.
I was looking at a beautifully shiny and new-looking coin. And then it dawned on me. It was a coin that was beautiful, yet still cracked and broken, and STILL worth the same amount.
And then I had another thought...
How often do we associate our value as human beings with what we look like on the outside and the things we do? What lengths do we go to ‘clean up our outsides?’ Diets, and fashion fads, and ignoring our own needs, and striving to please others, all to keep our shiny pretty appearance.
Ooof.
I am so guilty of this sometimes. Even this morning with this poor penny that I related to so much. I was so concerned with how it appeared on the outside, that I became critical of it!
When we don’t value ourselves based on who we are on the inside, we can begin to develop a critical spirit.
A critical spirit delights in nitpicking – first at ourselves, and then at others.
It enjoys competing with others and finds happiness in the misfortune of others.
A critical spirit leaves us feeling never satisfied and in complaint mode.
It is overly sensitive to what other people say and do.
When we have a critical spirit, we can experience constant irritation and agitation. I don’t know about you, but that does NOT sound like living in peace and free from anxiety.
I have been there. I’ve been so hardened by my experiences, my heart so guarded, that I began to develop an inner critic.
In fact, if I’m really honest, she’s still there, that demanding and hard-to-please part of myself.
She tells me I’m broken, and not a good wife, and not doing enough, and that I’m going to screw up my kids, and fail at my job, and NEVER be good enough for Jesus.
You might even have one of these inner critics too.
Friend, you do NOT have to listen to that inner critic.
When that critic says:
‘You’re not good enough’ or ‘You’re a failure’ or ‘You’re going to screw it up,’
You say:
‘I am human, and perfection is not expected. I am doing the best that I can with what I have and that will ALWAYS be enough. I am perfectly loved, vulnerable and valuable.’
Because here’s the bottom line: The softer zinc material under the copper coating is still a penny!
That shiny copper coating might make the coin more accepted as a penny, but the value doesn’t come from the coating, it comes from the coin itself, minted and stamped by the US Treasury.
If you’re a Jesus girl like me, you might translate that like being created, minted in God’s image. Psalm 139:14 states
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well.”
His works are wonderful, which means that inner critic can’t possibly be right. We can be dull on the outside, tarnished and full of cracks, but what is underneath isn’t ugly, it’s valuable and vulnerable and beautiful.
When we embrace the idea that we are loved, we are enough, and that we are valuable because of what is inside of us, it becomes easier to let our inner beauty shine through the cracks. We are less critical of ourselves, and of others in their own vulnerability. Our critical spirit turns into one of joy and peace.
Instead of tearing ourselves and others down, we lift each other up.
We encourage instead of antagonize, we cheer instead of jeer, we love instead of envy others.
We embrace our vulnerability and value together, and that, friends, is a beautiful thing.