Summer Survival: Say No to Guilt and Yes to Self-Compassion
“To accept ourselves as we are means to value our imperfections as much as our perfections.”
- Sandra Bierig
Summer is officially upon us!
If you’ve ever seen or heard of Disney’s Frozen, you know who Olaf is; the adorable little magical snowman who loves summer but is constantly melting in it. There’s a whole musical ensemble about his love for all things hot, yet he’s made of snow so of course he melts as soon as he steps outside.
Y’all, I am Olaf!
I love the summer. It’s hot, it’s sunny, we get to be outside, we can go swimming, we can go on a nature walk. Of course, as soon as I step out the door, my hair is matted to my neck, and I can feel the sweat gathering above my lip. I feel like I’m melting after about fifteen minutes on a hot day, but I love it!
But! As much as I love the season of summer, it can also bring about some major challenges, physically, emotionally, and logistically.
Summer tends to be a REALLY busy season for a lot of people! Between weddings, graduation parties, vacations, and other fun events, it seems like the time just flies by.
And if you have school-aged kiddos? PHEW!
Let’s be real...summer presents a special kind of challenge to parents and childcare givers.
What exactly are those challenges? Well, there are several honestly, but in my personal experience as a mom and professional experience as a behavioral clinician some of the top challenges that I see are:
Mood Shifts: Both parents and kids can experience some major changes in their mood during the summer. Kids aren’t in the same social environment anymore, and parents might be taking on more stress as they try to juggle all of summer’s activities. Summer-pattern Seasonal Affective Disorder can also occur, causing feelings of anxiety, restlessness, and agitation**.
Technology Usage: This one is so tough to balance! My kids literally want to play video games all the time. There are definitely conflicting views in the research about the effects of screen time on kiddos and what the limits should be. However, I can certainly tell a difference in my kids’ attitudes and behaviors after they’ve spent a little too much time on the tablet, it totally sucks the energy out of them.
Behavior Changes: Summer is a fleeting transitional period. Daily routines are shifting, sometimes multiple times. Kids who do well in the structured school setting may have difficulty adjusting to more time at home. Struggling to adjust to the change that summer brings can bring behaviors that we might not normally see, or care for, out of kids and parents.
Academic Backslide: Perhaps one of the biggest fears of every parent about summer. The dreaded academic backslide. According to an article written by NWEA, the organization behind standardized academic tests used for many states, including Indiana, research indicates that students lose anywhere from 17-34% of the information that they learned the year before. Yikes.
If you’re a working mama, balancing all of this with finding childcare can be even more challenging. If you’re working inside the home, you’re momming and working at the same time. It can be a lot to juggle. Not to mention how expensive summer can get!
So...what does all of this mean?
It means that mom, or grandma, or auntie, or whomever is caring for our kiddos....they are faced with immense pressure to wear even more hats during the summer. The caregiver is now also a teacher, counselor, event planner, and more, sometimes all in one day!
All this pressure that comes from meeting the challenges of summer can be overwhelming and can eventually lead us to feel incredibly guilty.
Guilty mom can mean irritable, defensive, less-fun mom. We might get the dreaded “summer is no fun with you.” We might start to appease our kids to make ourselves feel better. We might start to think some really unkind things about ourselves, or even our kids, coworkers, or others.
Y’all guilt and toxic thinking can be an emotionally dangerous combination. Beyond making summer stressful, our toxic thoughts can impact who we believe we are at our core, causing harm to our self-identity, and uprooting our anchor.
Despite the weariness that comes from our negative thoughts, we have the power to ditch our toxic thinking and make the best of summer and the rest of the year!
What can we do?
Start with self-compassion. Recognize that you are one person and remind yourself you are doing the best you can with what you’ve got. Try not to compare what your plan is for the summer with the plans of your neighbor. You and your kids are both adjusting to this new, temporary normal.
Ditch the toxic thinking and remember what you’re anchored in. Remember that just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true. Try using the reframe & replace concept, which means thinking about the negative thing in a more positive and helpful way.
An example might be: ‘I am not doing enough to entertain my kids.' Pretty sure I think this about three times a week at least. A reframe/replacement thought could be: ‘I don’t need to entertain my kids 24/7.....by giving them time alone I am allowing their sense of imagination and independence to grow.'
I feel I should point out that this does NOT mean leaving children (especially younger ones) unattended for long periods of time!! This thought means I don’t have to have a lesson plan full of fun and activities every day to survive the summer.
Diving into literature that keeps you anchored helps with this too! Doing a devotional, listening to a guided meditation, doing a Bible study, etc., are all great ways to practice thought reframing.
Set a summer routine. I love schedules. Schedules are wonderful and concrete and planned, and I love making them. Schedules also never really work out in our house! I find that summer is an even worse time to try and have a strict schedule for our family. If that sounds familiar, you might try setting a routine instead. Routines are a bit more flexible but can still incorporate some scheduling. Decide on some things that you want/need to get done each day and build a routine around what works best for your family. If you’re a planner like me, check out our special summer bonus inside the latest free guide with printable schedules, activity ideas and more!
Find your summer squad. Moms and caregivers need friends too! Find places where you feel you and your loved ones will be safe. Your summer squad might look different than friendships during the school year. Activity schedules can make adult friendships difficult. Keep in touch with your closest pals the best you can but be open to forming new friendships with others at new activities. Your summer squad can be a sense of support when things are getting overwhelming.
The bottom line? Summer doesn’t have to be a ball of stress that makes you sweat more than the sun’s heat. Offer yourself compassion, set up a routine, ditch the toxic thinking, and find your summer squad for support. Remind yourself that you DO have what it takes to not only make it through the summer, but to enjoy it!
To a sizzling summer,
Emily
**Seasonal Affective Disorder symptoms can range in intensity for everyone. If you are experiencing major mood shifts and self-care isn't helping, consider reaching out to a therapist. See our Counseling page for more information.