The Intersection of Mental Health, Boundaries, and Faith
“Boundaries represent awareness, knowing what the limits are and then respecting those limits.”
— David W. Earle
Boundaries are important in all aspects of life:
Personal space/your body
Property
Beliefs
Values
They define where we each begin and end – both physically and metaphorically.
So –
How do boundaries, faith and mental health intersect?
I’m glad you asked!
Your mind is worthy of your attention, respect, value and protection.
Your mind is also in what I like to call your “bubble.”
You have the right and the responsibility to protect it.
Related to your mental health is your mentality, your values, and your beliefs. Within your beliefs and values lie your sense of spirituality.
And so, we come full circle – your boundaries, your mental health and your faith are very much interconnected.
Many people turn to their faith as a source of comfort, support, and guidance during the toughest seasons of life. Inevitably tough seasons mean big, difficult feelings and for some, those can turn into clinical mental health diagnoses or just a decline in the stability of their mental health during that season or situation.
But unfortunately, some individuals within communities of faith use their positions of power or influence to violate the personal boundaries of others or can sometimes perpetuate harmful beliefs or practices that negatively impact mental health. For example, strict adherence to certain religious doctrines or the pressure to maintain a facade of perfection can contribute to feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety.
Recognizing Boundary Violations
So how do we recognize when our boundaries are being violated?
It can be challenging to recognize, particularly when those violations are subtle or gradual. However, there are some signs to look out for that may indicate that someone is overstepping your boundaries.
Some of these signs include:
Feeling uncomfortable or uneasy around a particular person or in a particular situation
Feeling pressured to engage in activities or conversations that you are not comfortable with
Feeling like your needs or feelings are not being respected or heard
Feeling like your time or resources are being taken advantage of
Feeling like you are being manipulated or controlled by someone else
And YES, all of those things can happen within circles of faith as well.
If you notice any of these signs, it may be worth reflecting on whether your boundaries are being respected and whether you need to take steps to enforce those boundaries.
Boundary violations can be detrimental to both your physical and mental health.
If you are a servant leader, work in a helping role, you are parent, or you are a person who thrives on success and achievement, you maybe have been in this boat: you wake up one day EXHAUSTED, BURNED OUT, ANGRY and DEPRESSED and you crash.
The weight of everyone’s expectations and needs have crushed you. Your cup is empty.
Friends, this is how our mental health tanks!
Now let’s talk mental health and faith real quick.
If you feel that you are being told:
You should pray more
This too shall past
Cast your cares on him
You must not be in alignment with God
You don’t need therapy or coaching. You need Jesus.
Medication is sinful.
If you’re anxious or depressed, you are not trusting God enough.
God will never give you more than you can handle – said the Bible NEVER
You must believe what I believe.
Friends – we are to meet others with grace and love, especially in the church. Legalism was thrown out at the cross. We cannot shame someone into believing what we believe. That goes for politics, religion, sexuality, nutrition, customs and traditions.
I have a word for you:
Prayer is not guaranteed to heal your clinical depression and anxiety any more than any other ailment like diabetes or your need for reading glasses. But that doesn’t mean we should stop doing it.
This situation WILL pass but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel overwhelming NOW
You can cast all those cares and requests at Jesus feet. He is the God of all comfort. He never promised us an easy life. But he said he’d never leave us or forsake us.
Therapy and coaching is something many people need in this life. Jesus counseled and cared for the needy and broken. He calls others to counsel and care for the needy and broken. And sometimes he calls us to RECEIVE that counsel. Some would call that being wise!
Anxiety and depression are scientifically proven to be medical and physical conditions that require medical attention and treatment.
At times we experience spiritual deserts that can leave us feeling low or having a “woe is me” attitude. But these are two very different concepts!
Protecting Your Boundaries
Protecting your boundaries can be challenging, particularly if you feel like you are being pressured to conform to certain beliefs or behaviors. This can be in a faith community or any relationship or job really.
Even Jesus set boundaries:
He said no to inappropriate behaviors
He cleared out the vendors at the temple because they were exploiting people.
He withdrew from crowds that were being demanding.
He sidestepped baiting questions.
He told the rich young ruler to go give away all his money before he could help him because he needed to let money no longer control him.
He yelled at the disciples when they tried to keep the children from him.
He also often asked great questions instead of just giving what people asked. Questions like “what you want?” “Do you want to get well?” “Do you believe?”
He also used grace and truth in powerful combinations – for example the woman at the well (John 4:1-30).
He set aside “me time” – when he was purposely alone for communion with God.
He even talked about priorities – No servant can serve two masters!
He even reminds us not to people please – this is really convicting for me personally!
However, there are some steps you can take to protect your boundaries, including:
Get clear about your values and priorities: Identify what is most important to you and be prepared to stand up for those values, even if it means going against the norm
Communicate your boundaries: Be clear about your boundaries and communicate them to others in a calm, assertive manner. For example, if someone is pressuring you to attend a particular event or engage in a particular activity that you are not comfortable with, you might say something like, "I appreciate the invitation, but I'm not comfortable with that."
Say "No": It can be difficult to say no, particularly if you feel like you are letting someone down or going against the expectations of a community or a loved one. However, it is important to remember that saying no is a valid way of protecting your boundaries and taking care of yourself.
Seeking support: If you feel like your boundaries are being pushed or violated, it can be helpful to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can provide guidance and validation.
So....bottom line?
The intersection between mental health, faith, and boundaries is complex. On the one hand, religious beliefs and practices can be a source of comfort and support for individuals experiencing mental health challenges. For example, prayer, meditation, and other spiritual practices may help individuals feel more connected to something larger than themselves and provide a sense of meaning and purpose, which can alleviate some symptoms of depression and anxiety.
On the other hand, many faith-based boundaries and customs can create a sense of shame and guilt that makes being involved and feeling purposeful difficult to some. Just like finding the right counselor, it can be a challenge to find a church or spiritual family that is the right fit for you. Recognizing and enforcing your boundaries can be challenging, but it can also help you maintain healthy relationships within your faith community and elsewhere!
Remember, your boundaries matter, and protecting them is an essential part of self-care and maintaining your overall well-being.
