Unworthy & Ashamed: Rising Above the Stigma of Mental Health Issues in the Church

“Church hurt happens when a person shares their story and they are met with judgment, instead of grace. Often in these cases, Scripture is used as a weapon of shame.” - Missy Jane

Unworthy. It’s a word that I often use to describe myself….in my own head. You see, I’m a Christian who has mental health struggles, including anxiety, panic attacks and depression. I’m also a licensed mental health counselor, college professor, worship leader, entrepreneur, wife, and mom. If you were to meet me face to face, I’m guessing you would never know that I have such an internal struggle.

I’m also a Jesus girl through and through. My husband and I are worship leaders and have been singing together for over 20 years. We have been on worship teams at churches large and small. The most common response when I share my true life story with someone who also professes Christianity is either (1) surprise with a tinge of judgment and projected shame or (2) surprise with an amazing expression of grace.

Oh how I wish that every time I get “real” with a Christian brother or sister that I was met with grace!

So what’s it like to be a mental health counselor and worship leader who struggles with mental illness? It’s lonely at times. Unfortunately, I have some “church hurt” related to sharing my struggles and some “church hurt” that is less directly related. I define “church hurt” as hurt that results when church leaders do not embrace a member of their church community with grace. Church hurt happens when a person shares their story and they are met with judgment, instead of grace. Often in these cases, Scripture is used as a weapon of shame.

Some of the most judgmental individuals I have ever met have been through the church. I grew up in a Christian school and have attended church for most of my life. I think I knew from a very young age that certain things were shameful in the church. I was being raised by a single mom in the 80’s. Divorce was still heavily frowned upon. We switched churches quite often because my mom was a natural leader and churches didn’t want a divorced female leading a whole lot of anything. So I was Baptist, Methodist, Evangelical Free, Pentecostal and United Brethren all by the age of 18. I was also definitely raised in the “if you don’t follow Jesus, you’re going to hell” era of fear-based faith.

One of the most defining moments for me in the church in regards to mental health was as a young adult was when I was volunteering as a youth leader. I had been diagnosed with panic disorder and depression around age 21. As I was working with a group of girls, the youth pastor stopped by our little huddle group. We were discussing depression. The pastor said that depression was rooted in sin and a “whoa is me” mentality. He might as well have smacked me and told me I was unworthy of God’s love. I was devastated.

Church hurt can also be defined as spiritual hurt. Maybe it’s someone in your life that doesn’t go to church with you but they are part of your family or friend group. If you have struggled with a mental health issue, maybe you have you heard some version of one of these lies?

✔️ You don’t need medication.

✔️ You need to find peace with God.

✔️ You wouldn’t have anxiety if you would lean more into God.

✔️ You need to trust God more.

✔️ Psychology is a false doctrine. It’s from the devil.

I’ve had every one of these things thrown at me over the last 20 years. It’s why I have kept my anxiety and depression to myself while at church. I would say being a Christian with anxiety and depression is like being on an island. Sometimes, I put myself on that island as a defense mechanism – as a way to keep myself safe. At other times, well meaning people have shoved me out to that island because my story makes them uncomfortable.

By the grace of God, my family and I started attending a small church several years ago where I could be myself – mostly. I still held myself close and limited what I shared but I felt accepted. During our time at this particular church, I started to share some of my church hurt and anxieties with our new worship pastor. His response was priceless, full of grace and love. I remember feeling and thinking – “That’s how fellow believers need to support one another. This is a stigma that MUST be broken!”

I recently read If You Only Knew: My Unlikely, Unavoidable Story of Becoming Free by Jamie Ivy. She calls the judgmental reactions of others to our shortcomings as “sin shock.” I laughed out loud when I read that. We ALL react in shock to other people’s poor decisions and sins don’t we? That’s with or without being a believer in Jesus. It’s a human reaction. I believe that when we share our mental health issues with others, there is a similar kind of “shock” that makes people uncomfortable. However, within community of Christ followers, there should be a spirit of grace, forgiveness and an unrelenting and bold telling of God’s redemptive power.

It does not matter if you have heart disease, diabetes, anxiety, depression, or any other health issue. It is absolutely no person’s job to judge another based on their struggles.

Here are the truths I cling to:

• I am God’s child, a daughter of the Most High King.

• I am worthy of God’s love because he sent his only son Jesus Christ to die in my place so that I may appear blameless before the throne of God.

• My struggle with panic and depression is not reflective of how much I love Jesus. My panic and depression are rooted in genetics and my trauma history.

• My truth and my story are covered in God’s redemption.

If others judge me for taking medication or going to therapy, that is not my problem. There is NO SHAME in seeking medical treatment for any condition that requires it.

Don’t let your mental health issues define you. Your identity is not found in the diagnosis. Your true identity is found in Christ.

Just remember this:

You are valuable. You are seen. You are loved.

That’s the truth.